I started watching a new show on Discovery called Flying Wild Alaska. It follows pilots who fly for a small airline, Era, out of Unalakleet, AK, a village about 90 miles NE from my village. This airline is one of the two that fly in and out of Nunam Iqua. In the winter, they are the only ones bringing people, mail, and food to the villages. As you can tell, this makes them important out here.
That got me thinking; with all of the reality shows going on here in Alaska, maybe they’d have one about Sarah Palin landing airplanes in her Alaska. Or maybe one could follow teachers at school in rural Alaska. I’m not sure how Sarah could wedge her way into this one, but I’ll let her figure it out.
The film crew could follow the daily activities of three new teachers, just learning how to teach in a classroom full of kids. But on top of that, they will be living in an entirely new culture, one where they become the out-group. They will have no transportation except their own legs. They would also be faced with intermittent water and sewer usage. And in this case, there would be no store to purchase food or any other materials they may find essential. Need to use the post office? Try Saturday morning; since that is the only time we can get there when it is open.
You might think this would be a drama, but you would be incorrect. This would be a comedy reality show, and one without a Snookie or a housewife. If I’m allowed to be a producer on the show, I’ll try to get one of the Kardashians, but only for ratings. We also wouldn’t be voting anyone off, because I’m not ready to leave and I know I’d be the first one they’d vote off. And we won’t have a shirtless weigh-in like Biggest Loser, because I would get voted off after that scene.
The show would center on the daily life of the three teachers. The main teacher, a handsome man, in a doughy and balding sort of way, would bring all of his 44 years of wisdom into the classroom. The two minor teachers in the show will be young and inexperienced in life and in the classroom. They will be puzzled about some things and have to ask the star of the show to explain. Questions like: “Why do you always run like a scared rabbit whenever you see a dog?” (To be honest, it looked just like a wolf.) “How can you never eat vegetables and still be alive?” (Grass is a vegetable, cows eat grass, I eat cows; therefore, I eat vegetables.) “Why do you start to whimper whenever someone walks into your room?” (Again, it looked just like a wolf.) They would use their good-humored kidding during lunchtime in the teacher’s lounge, asking the main character to go find a different place to eat or at least use a spoon when eating out of a peanut butter jar. My good-natured retort would be to wipe my hands on my pants and remind Miss Manners that we’re teachers, not TV stars. Then I’d chuckle and walk back to my room while the others would do their best to look disgusted.
This sounds like a no-brainer for the producers of reality television and I’m at a loss as to why I haven’t seen anything like it on TV. Maybe they’re just waiting for the right opportunity to showcase someone. And if I’m chosen, I promise that I wouldn’t become big-time and do things like trim my beard weekly or change socks frequently. I’m also working on another reality show called Janitor Wars. I don’t have all the details, but I think it will be about janitors. I’ll keep everyone posted.
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