8-21-2011

08-21-2011

School starts Monday.  I had all summer to prepare for the first day.  I didn’t.  I had all of last week in my classroom to prepare.  I didn’t.  I even have the weekend, but I’m sure I won’t be ready until Monday morning at 8:50 when the kids walk in the door and wait for me to tell them what to do.  They will then do something very dissimilar than what I just asked them to do.  They’ve been ready for weeks.

After a weekend to settle back in, the teachers reported back to work last Monday.  Everyone was talking about the exciting things they did this summer.  People traveled and saw new things and experiences.  Everyone really loved my story about how we packed all of our things into boxes.  They were on the edge of their seats when I described in detail how I picked up each box and placed it in a U-Haul trailer.   You wouldn’t know their amazement by the way they pretended to not care.  At all. 

The week without students went past quickly and without incident.  This year I planned better for the start since I may have gotten smarter.  We’ll see about that on the first day, but at least I feel better prepared.  I hope that feeling doesn’t go away the second the kids walk into the class.

On Friday morning, my parents showed up for a ten-day visit.  I don’t think it will take ten days to tour the whole village, but they should have an intimate knowledge of Nunam Iqua by the time they leave.  They’ve already seen the school and have met most of our staff.  (Four people)

 Our house up here is a two-bedroom/one bathroom, so there is plenty of room for the four of us.  But it does change our day-to-day routine a little bit.  For one, Monica insists I put pants on when we eat.  Even when I explain that I don’t plan on going outside she is pretty adamant about it.  So, I put pants on and try to act natural. 

Another thing that is different is what we hear.  70yr old men make sounds that can be quite alarming.  I’m not sure if I should say anything because nobody acknowledges the noises.  Mom pretends they’re normal or at least she ignores them.  They frighten me.  The noises I mean.  Well, my parents do a bit too.

They also say things that I don’t need to hear.  One of the last things I need to hear coming from the next bedroom right before I go to sleep is my mother saying, “We can still cuddle.”  That is something I cannot un-hear.  It does make it a little harder to get to sleep after having that running through your head.  We were also treated with “Honey, were are my clean underwear?”  This implies two things.  One, a 70 yr old man is naked, wandering around the house, looking for his underwear.  Two, there is a pair of a 70 yr old man’s dirty underwear lying around somewhere.  I hope to God they are not the tiger striped bikini type.

I think I’m as ready as I will be for the kids on Monday.  Monica is working as a substitute classroom aide this year and will be at work Monday also.  I hope she listens to me when I try to boss her around.  I’m sure she will.  I just wish she’d hurry up and find those dirty underwear so I don’t step on them in the dark.

8-13-2011 Part Two

Another passenger from Nunam had landed and wasn’t about to be stranded.  She called her uncle, who agreed to get her in his boat and take her to Nunam.  Grover was standing at the airlines when Monica called to check in.  They handed the phone to Grover and he said if we could get to the dock, we could get a ride home.  Perfect.  We gather our belongings and get a ride down to the dock, where we climbed into a 20-foot aluminum fishing boat. 

The hour-long boat ride home was an experience.  It was cold, rough, and foggy.  We couldn’t see both shores at the same time through the fog.  We did get a “Yukon face wash” during the trip, with the waves coming over the bow of the boat often.  The flat-bottomed boat gave us a punishing trip in the rough waters.  The other person on the boat had just had surgery, shaming me not to bitch about have the crap beat out of me.  But we did make it, wet and cold, but finally home.

We were both a little anxious about opening the door to our house because we had been informed during the summer that the house had been broken into.  We didn’t know the extent of any damage or mess that would be waiting for us.  Fortunately, the ones who broke in were just looking for a place to hang out.  The mess was small and not much was missing.  We did lose our DVD player, but the TV was still there.  Someone did leave a small deposit that was still there.  We have called this the Defiant Turd. 

The Turd was still floating in the toilet.  Monica was the one who discovered it and saved me from having to witness this horrific site.  Since she was the one who found it, she would be the one who would dispose of the Turd.  She claims it was scowling at her, and had mold on it.  When she tried to flush it down, it stayed above the water line and refused to be dragged down the drain.  Monica’s determination conquered the Turd.  It finally succumbed to the drain.  I was afraid to ask what her methods were and I pray she takes that to her grave.

If you made it to this point, thank you.  I know it was long but it’s the first of the new season.  We are happily settling in and I’ll start work on Monday, sans students for the first week.  Then my parents will arrive on Friday.  That will give me plenty of material for the blog.

8-13-2011 Part One

Well, we made it back to Nunam Iqua last night.  We left Tulsa on Wed and spent two nights in Anchorage.  That was our last time to get Starbucks, beer, and most foods available to people living near a store.  Anchorage was also a time to do a grocery order from Fred Meyers and a meat order from the butcher.  Both will take at least a week to get here, so we also packed a suitcase with meat and cheeses and checked it with our other luggage.

This posting will be longer than usual and in two parts, but I didn’t want to leave anything out.  Plus, you’ll have to read all of this to get the story of the Defiant Turd.  True story.

The trip started out just fine.  We left Oklahoma, where it was finally raining and under 100 degrees for the first time in three weeks.  We checked our bags and headed straight to Starbucks.  (Monica’s idea)  It was only 8:20 so I passed on by the lounge.  Sure I thought about it but I kept going, showing surprising restraint, considering it would be 9 months until I get to display my lack of self-control. 

We switched planes at DFW and SeaTac before heading to Anchorage.  These flights were all uneventful except for the usual crying kids and cramped spaces for sitting.  I’ve also noticed that since airlines started charging for checked luggage, the carry-on luggage is huge, which takes longer boarding and deboarding the plane.   Some people (those in front of me) forget that there is 100 other people waiting to get to their seats and spend an unwarranted amount of time stuffing their kitchen sink in the space above my seat.  I wanted that space for the kid.

We spent two good days in Anchorage, finishing up with shopping and last minute gorging.  We also enjoyed trading the hot Oklahoma temps for the much cooler Alaskan climate.  We left for Bethel, where we would change planes yet again.  It was raining but Grant Airlines boarded us for Emmonak, which would take us to our last leg of the trip.  This was where things went off track.

The weather was somewhat worse for flying once we landed in Emmonak.  We were grounded there and had to wait for our 20-mile flight to Nunam Iqua.  At about 1pm, the pilot came to us and suggested we start making alternative plans.  If I was on the moon and NASA suggested I start making alternative plans, I would have the same look of fear on my face as I did when the pilot spoke with us.  The pilot had the same demeanor as a Dr. explaining some horrible disease they’ve found in your brain.  Our problem was that our alternative plan was the same as our original plan: getting on the plane and flying to Nunam. 

I remembered I did kind of know one of the teachers in Emmonak.  Emmonak is in our school district so I used my one chance of an alternative plan by calling the school.  They sent the teacher out to get us.  She invited us to her house but we decided to stay at the school since she was in the middle of moving from one house to another.  Three hours later, we decided to call the airlines to check in with them, hoping the weather had lifted enough to allow us to fly.  Nope.  But, a teacher from my school had just landed and was in the same predicament.  Grover was about to save the day.

05-31-2011

I have finished my first year teaching in the Alaska bush and will be returning to Nunam Iqua for a second year in August.   I’ve been back in Washington for almost two weeks and have eaten enough for the entire summer already.  I doubt that I will slow down my eating, since I like to stay ahead in that department.  People like me can stay in cold water longer without succumbing to hypothermia.  We’re also more buoyant. But on the down side, we may look more delicious to sharks and other people-eating animals in the ocean and swimming pools.

The last few days of school went by without any incidents.  The kids were ready for the break.  As I’ve mentioned before, it is staying light outside past midnight, so the kids are already into their summer mode of staying out past midnight.  The last two days of school consisted of watching a few movies and having a day of games in the gym.  The high school had probably a thousand balloons left over from the prom, so we had games that incorporated balloons.  The last game had the kids popping all of the balloons as fast as they could.  I know that sounds fun, but listening to all of that popping for about 3 minutes can be a bit annoying. 

I’m already adjusting to being back to the lower 48.  It hasn’t been as warm as I would want, but I’m surviving.  The first weekend back, Monica and I headed up to the North Cascades to our cabin on the Twisp River.  As seen on TV, the rapture was supposed to commence on that Saturday evening.  Monica thought it might be funny to slip away and hide at the predicted time, pretending to be ‘taken’.  I failed to notice she was absent since I was not paying attention to her in the least bit.  I was busy with beer, a fire, and a podcast from the Skeptic’s Guide to the Universe and did not have the ability to keep track of one more thing.  One might think that I would be more curious about people suddenly disappearing, leaving us heathens behind.  But no, I was concentrating on my tasks at hand, totally ignoring my wife’s disappearance.  When she ‘returned’, she asked if I wondered what had happened to her.  I had no idea what she was talking about so I just smiled and said, “I knew you’d be back”.  Not the best answer, considering my moral compass isn’t always aligned correctly.  True to herself, Monica forgave me once again for something I had no idea that I had just done. 

Our summer is pretty much planned out already.  We have a couple of Mariner’s games on our agenda and a household move to Oklahoma.  We plan on moving all of the stuff we cannot give away in mid-July.  Monica’s family lives down there so we’ll be doing a lot of visiting before we head out.  We’ll fly out of Tulsa in Aug for another year in Alaska.

I am going to continue with this blog through next year, but I won’t be writing every week during the summer.  Once we’re back in Nunam Iqua, there will be plenty of new situations that will occur and I can write about.   I’m sure Monica will point out things I miss.  Now, if I can just find her.  I thought she was in the bathroom…

05-14-2011

No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks.   That song can get quite annoying; or so I learned on Friday by the other teachers in the building, who not so politely told me to quit singing that song.  Apparently they didn’t agree with my style of teaching rhymes.  Also, limericks are not appreciated in the elementary level either.  But I dare anyone to find a better way to get kids to value literary art than to include swear words.

For all intents and purposes school finished on Friday, although we still have classes until lunchtime on Tuesday. The kids have made it clear that they are done learning for the year and I don’t have the will to bend spoons, so we’ll call it a draw.  They’ll be watching a movie and helping me clean the classroom.  I’ve also made a DVD for them, using video I took throughout the year.  We’ll watch that and I’ll give them each a copy for their troubles.

Students have been falling asleep at school more frequently lately.  I know what you’re thinking, but their daytime slumbers are not indicative of my teaching style.  Well, not entirely.  It is still light outside until past midnight, so the kids stay out much later playing, making them tired during the day.  It is also getting warmer outside now.  We topped 40 today and it didn’t even freeze last night.  This was the first morning in a long time that it hasn’t been below freezing.  The Yukon is still frozen and will be until after I head south for the summer.  A huge problem that can happen during the breakup is flooding caused by ice-dams.  We are seeing that now on the Kuskokwim River to the south of us.

With less than a week left until I head down south, I’m looking forward to a warmer climate.  I’ll just have to put things away for the summer and hope nobody decides that I’ll be better off without some of my stuff.  It usually isn’t a worry that someone will break in the houses during summer, so I feel our house will be safe.  I am going to hide the small TV just in case. 

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the blog after next week.  I planned on writing just for the first year, but I may continue with it.  This has been cathartic for me to be able to talk about my week without being interrupted.  Monica will be up here next year, so unfortunately for her, she’ll be hearing all about my day in person.  She tolerates my ramblings pretty well.  And when I say she tolerates, I mean she ignores. She has to.

I’ve baked my last loaf of bread for the year, so most of my chores are done.  Except for the report cards, but at least I can have toast at midnight when I’m still trying to finish report cards.  And I have learned my lesson about using limericks in the report cards.  Until I’m able to find something else that rhymes with Nantucket, I’ll be using Spenserian sonnets.

05-07-2011

I would like to start out today by wishing my mom a Happy Mother’s Day.  I would love to talk about the many things she did for me when I was young, but my therapist told me I should be careful with what I shared.  I can tell you that she has made me fried chicken for every birthday I’ve been home.  She is the one who taught me the importance of hard work and the value of living a clean life.  Unfortunately, I never heard a word she said because I was too busy goofing off.  Man I miss my 30’s.

Last weekend ended my semester for college.  I needed to take two classes for my teacher’s certification, so like a fool I did it this past semester.  I have two years to do this, but I thought I should take this on.  But I am a much better student this time around.  25 years ago, Eastern Washington University sent me a Dear John letter.  They told me it wasn’t working out between us, and we should see other people.  I was shocked.  I thought I was the best student a university could ask for.  I didn’t qualify for any scholarships, so they got full price from me.  Since I didn’t go to class, I did not use up the school’s resources.  Professors didn’t have to spend time grading my homework, answering any of my annoying questions, or yelling at me for bringing a parrot to class.  (You just look foolish in a pirate outfit without a parrot.)  I never used any of the school’s other services, mainly because I had no idea they had any.  I thought tutoring was a class on the British Monarchy.  I also contributed to the local economy by attempting to purchase all the beer in Cheney.

This weekend we are having our prom.  I was not invited.  Which wasn’t a big disappointment to me.  Or to anyone else I suspect.  I attended the prom twice when I was in high school.  Both times my dates were way out of my league.  They had no business going to the prom with a guy like me, and I’m not talking about a restraining order.  So I happily went.  This has continued in my life, since I over reached in marrying Monica.  But, back to the prom. The kids and most of our staff worked hard on decorating the gym for the evening.  Last year the prom turned into a basketball game, but the teacher who coordinated it this year said it wouldn’t happen this time.  I haven’t heard yet how it turned out.

We will have our graduation next week.  We are graduating two students this year.  This isn’t an unusual number of grads.  Some years there are none, so it’s nice to see a couple this year.  Unfortunately, the graduation rate is not where it should be here, so I hope that number goes up.  I do have some influence on this and I do take that part of my job serious.  It is a goal of mine to help bring that number up.  I always tell them if I can do it, anyone can do it.  They in turn point and laugh at me.

I have 10 days until school is done and 11 days until I fly back to WA and OK for the summer.  Monica is telling me about having the “yard boys” (it’s not a boy band) over to do yard work for her.  I’m still sinking to my ass in snow here so I’m glad I’ll be seeing green soon.  I hope every mother has a good Mother’s Day.  I want to wish Polly a Happy Mother’s Day (biscuits and gravy) and Carolyn a Happy Mother’s Day (tacos).  Happy Mother’s Day Mom (fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn).

05-01-2011

Several people asked me on Friday if I watched the wedding.  For the sake of this blog, several means two.  I’m not sure what I ever did to make a person, much less two, question whether or not I would spend my time watching someone else get married on TV.  I wear flannel shirts (usually untucked), old Levis (usually with at least one hole) and a scraggly beard (also with at least one hole).  I was 12 the last time I combed my hair and I haven’t cut it since Christmas.  It would have made more sense to ask if I had read the Unabomber’s manifesto.

My blank stare and prolonged pause should have given them time to think it through and realize that no, indeed I did not watch the wedding.  Instead they must have thought I didn’t hear them, so they repeated the question.  I repeated my blank stare routine on them, hoping they would just walk away.  I didn’t know what to say; I was at a loss for words.  Because when I said, “No”, they waited for an explanation.  They wanted to know why I didn’t watch the wedding.  Luckily I must have creeped them out by just staring at them, because they did slowly walk away, avoiding eye contact.

School is coming to an end for the year.  Or so says my students.  I have just over two weeks of school left.  We had our 2^nd annual Math/Science Family day at school on Thursday.  It went very well.  Our class had to do a presentation, so we did one on the transfer of energy.  We used a bicycle and a student to explain potential and kinetic energy.  The class also lined up like dominos and fell down, hopefully showing the transfer of energy.  On Wednesday two of the students thought they would perform a different presentation, using punches to show the transfer of energy.  We stayed with the bicycle.

The weather is warming up so the snow is beginning to melt.  The snow has drifted into piles well over 7 feet in some places, so that will still be here when I leave.  It did snow most of today, but it was 35, so it wasn’t piling up like before.  One huge problem is that we’re now starting to fall through.  One part of the trail we use to get to school is on a frozen lake we walk across.  The lake has about 3 ½ feet of snow covering it.  Now that it is getting above freezing during the day, we’re starting to fall through the snow.  I’ve gone in to my waist but I’ve yet to lose a boot; others have.  Crawling out of the snow must look hilarious, judging from the sounds of people who are looking, pointing and laughing.  Soon it will settle enough, but I’ll probably be in WA when that happens.

With 2 ½ weeks left, I’m already thinking about putting some ribs on the smoker and a beer in my hand.  I’m ready to wear something besides snow boots.  I’m ready to see my wife.  I know Monica should have been listed first, but I’ll share the ribs with her.  I know she loves me, because she is going to DVR the Ted Kaczynski wedding for me.  I love a happy ending.