05-31-2011

I have finished my first year teaching in the Alaska bush and will be returning to Nunam Iqua for a second year in August.   I’ve been back in Washington for almost two weeks and have eaten enough for the entire summer already.  I doubt that I will slow down my eating, since I like to stay ahead in that department.  People like me can stay in cold water longer without succumbing to hypothermia.  We’re also more buoyant. But on the down side, we may look more delicious to sharks and other people-eating animals in the ocean and swimming pools.

The last few days of school went by without any incidents.  The kids were ready for the break.  As I’ve mentioned before, it is staying light outside past midnight, so the kids are already into their summer mode of staying out past midnight.  The last two days of school consisted of watching a few movies and having a day of games in the gym.  The high school had probably a thousand balloons left over from the prom, so we had games that incorporated balloons.  The last game had the kids popping all of the balloons as fast as they could.  I know that sounds fun, but listening to all of that popping for about 3 minutes can be a bit annoying. 

I’m already adjusting to being back to the lower 48.  It hasn’t been as warm as I would want, but I’m surviving.  The first weekend back, Monica and I headed up to the North Cascades to our cabin on the Twisp River.  As seen on TV, the rapture was supposed to commence on that Saturday evening.  Monica thought it might be funny to slip away and hide at the predicted time, pretending to be ‘taken’.  I failed to notice she was absent since I was not paying attention to her in the least bit.  I was busy with beer, a fire, and a podcast from the Skeptic’s Guide to the Universe and did not have the ability to keep track of one more thing.  One might think that I would be more curious about people suddenly disappearing, leaving us heathens behind.  But no, I was concentrating on my tasks at hand, totally ignoring my wife’s disappearance.  When she ‘returned’, she asked if I wondered what had happened to her.  I had no idea what she was talking about so I just smiled and said, “I knew you’d be back”.  Not the best answer, considering my moral compass isn’t always aligned correctly.  True to herself, Monica forgave me once again for something I had no idea that I had just done. 

Our summer is pretty much planned out already.  We have a couple of Mariner’s games on our agenda and a household move to Oklahoma.  We plan on moving all of the stuff we cannot give away in mid-July.  Monica’s family lives down there so we’ll be doing a lot of visiting before we head out.  We’ll fly out of Tulsa in Aug for another year in Alaska.

I am going to continue with this blog through next year, but I won’t be writing every week during the summer.  Once we’re back in Nunam Iqua, there will be plenty of new situations that will occur and I can write about.   I’m sure Monica will point out things I miss.  Now, if I can just find her.  I thought she was in the bathroom…

05-14-2011

No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks.   That song can get quite annoying; or so I learned on Friday by the other teachers in the building, who not so politely told me to quit singing that song.  Apparently they didn’t agree with my style of teaching rhymes.  Also, limericks are not appreciated in the elementary level either.  But I dare anyone to find a better way to get kids to value literary art than to include swear words.

For all intents and purposes school finished on Friday, although we still have classes until lunchtime on Tuesday. The kids have made it clear that they are done learning for the year and I don’t have the will to bend spoons, so we’ll call it a draw.  They’ll be watching a movie and helping me clean the classroom.  I’ve also made a DVD for them, using video I took throughout the year.  We’ll watch that and I’ll give them each a copy for their troubles.

Students have been falling asleep at school more frequently lately.  I know what you’re thinking, but their daytime slumbers are not indicative of my teaching style.  Well, not entirely.  It is still light outside until past midnight, so the kids stay out much later playing, making them tired during the day.  It is also getting warmer outside now.  We topped 40 today and it didn’t even freeze last night.  This was the first morning in a long time that it hasn’t been below freezing.  The Yukon is still frozen and will be until after I head south for the summer.  A huge problem that can happen during the breakup is flooding caused by ice-dams.  We are seeing that now on the Kuskokwim River to the south of us.

With less than a week left until I head down south, I’m looking forward to a warmer climate.  I’ll just have to put things away for the summer and hope nobody decides that I’ll be better off without some of my stuff.  It usually isn’t a worry that someone will break in the houses during summer, so I feel our house will be safe.  I am going to hide the small TV just in case. 

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the blog after next week.  I planned on writing just for the first year, but I may continue with it.  This has been cathartic for me to be able to talk about my week without being interrupted.  Monica will be up here next year, so unfortunately for her, she’ll be hearing all about my day in person.  She tolerates my ramblings pretty well.  And when I say she tolerates, I mean she ignores. She has to.

I’ve baked my last loaf of bread for the year, so most of my chores are done.  Except for the report cards, but at least I can have toast at midnight when I’m still trying to finish report cards.  And I have learned my lesson about using limericks in the report cards.  Until I’m able to find something else that rhymes with Nantucket, I’ll be using Spenserian sonnets.

05-07-2011

I would like to start out today by wishing my mom a Happy Mother’s Day.  I would love to talk about the many things she did for me when I was young, but my therapist told me I should be careful with what I shared.  I can tell you that she has made me fried chicken for every birthday I’ve been home.  She is the one who taught me the importance of hard work and the value of living a clean life.  Unfortunately, I never heard a word she said because I was too busy goofing off.  Man I miss my 30’s.

Last weekend ended my semester for college.  I needed to take two classes for my teacher’s certification, so like a fool I did it this past semester.  I have two years to do this, but I thought I should take this on.  But I am a much better student this time around.  25 years ago, Eastern Washington University sent me a Dear John letter.  They told me it wasn’t working out between us, and we should see other people.  I was shocked.  I thought I was the best student a university could ask for.  I didn’t qualify for any scholarships, so they got full price from me.  Since I didn’t go to class, I did not use up the school’s resources.  Professors didn’t have to spend time grading my homework, answering any of my annoying questions, or yelling at me for bringing a parrot to class.  (You just look foolish in a pirate outfit without a parrot.)  I never used any of the school’s other services, mainly because I had no idea they had any.  I thought tutoring was a class on the British Monarchy.  I also contributed to the local economy by attempting to purchase all the beer in Cheney.

This weekend we are having our prom.  I was not invited.  Which wasn’t a big disappointment to me.  Or to anyone else I suspect.  I attended the prom twice when I was in high school.  Both times my dates were way out of my league.  They had no business going to the prom with a guy like me, and I’m not talking about a restraining order.  So I happily went.  This has continued in my life, since I over reached in marrying Monica.  But, back to the prom. The kids and most of our staff worked hard on decorating the gym for the evening.  Last year the prom turned into a basketball game, but the teacher who coordinated it this year said it wouldn’t happen this time.  I haven’t heard yet how it turned out.

We will have our graduation next week.  We are graduating two students this year.  This isn’t an unusual number of grads.  Some years there are none, so it’s nice to see a couple this year.  Unfortunately, the graduation rate is not where it should be here, so I hope that number goes up.  I do have some influence on this and I do take that part of my job serious.  It is a goal of mine to help bring that number up.  I always tell them if I can do it, anyone can do it.  They in turn point and laugh at me.

I have 10 days until school is done and 11 days until I fly back to WA and OK for the summer.  Monica is telling me about having the “yard boys” (it’s not a boy band) over to do yard work for her.  I’m still sinking to my ass in snow here so I’m glad I’ll be seeing green soon.  I hope every mother has a good Mother’s Day.  I want to wish Polly a Happy Mother’s Day (biscuits and gravy) and Carolyn a Happy Mother’s Day (tacos).  Happy Mother’s Day Mom (fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn).

05-01-2011

Several people asked me on Friday if I watched the wedding.  For the sake of this blog, several means two.  I’m not sure what I ever did to make a person, much less two, question whether or not I would spend my time watching someone else get married on TV.  I wear flannel shirts (usually untucked), old Levis (usually with at least one hole) and a scraggly beard (also with at least one hole).  I was 12 the last time I combed my hair and I haven’t cut it since Christmas.  It would have made more sense to ask if I had read the Unabomber’s manifesto.

My blank stare and prolonged pause should have given them time to think it through and realize that no, indeed I did not watch the wedding.  Instead they must have thought I didn’t hear them, so they repeated the question.  I repeated my blank stare routine on them, hoping they would just walk away.  I didn’t know what to say; I was at a loss for words.  Because when I said, “No”, they waited for an explanation.  They wanted to know why I didn’t watch the wedding.  Luckily I must have creeped them out by just staring at them, because they did slowly walk away, avoiding eye contact.

School is coming to an end for the year.  Or so says my students.  I have just over two weeks of school left.  We had our 2^nd annual Math/Science Family day at school on Thursday.  It went very well.  Our class had to do a presentation, so we did one on the transfer of energy.  We used a bicycle and a student to explain potential and kinetic energy.  The class also lined up like dominos and fell down, hopefully showing the transfer of energy.  On Wednesday two of the students thought they would perform a different presentation, using punches to show the transfer of energy.  We stayed with the bicycle.

The weather is warming up so the snow is beginning to melt.  The snow has drifted into piles well over 7 feet in some places, so that will still be here when I leave.  It did snow most of today, but it was 35, so it wasn’t piling up like before.  One huge problem is that we’re now starting to fall through.  One part of the trail we use to get to school is on a frozen lake we walk across.  The lake has about 3 ½ feet of snow covering it.  Now that it is getting above freezing during the day, we’re starting to fall through the snow.  I’ve gone in to my waist but I’ve yet to lose a boot; others have.  Crawling out of the snow must look hilarious, judging from the sounds of people who are looking, pointing and laughing.  Soon it will settle enough, but I’ll probably be in WA when that happens.

With 2 ½ weeks left, I’m already thinking about putting some ribs on the smoker and a beer in my hand.  I’m ready to wear something besides snow boots.  I’m ready to see my wife.  I know Monica should have been listed first, but I’ll share the ribs with her.  I know she loves me, because she is going to DVR the Ted Kaczynski wedding for me.  I love a happy ending.

04-24-2011

Monica made it out of here safely on Friday afternoon.  I took her out to the airport in the stretch limo (a snowmobile pulling a toboggan).  This was during school, so when I got back to the classroom, all my students had their faces pressed against the windows.  They turned and looked at me with an accusatory glare.  “Why didn’t you stay out there until the plane left?”  I tried to explain that she was able to get on the plane by herself, and that just standing there wasn’t going to make her flight any safer.  It ended with me yelling, “It was cold, ok?  Don’t judge me!”  They didn’t say anything, but I know they were thinking bad things about me.

Monica was able to spend some time in my classroom while she was up here.  She took my place and read to them after lunch.  They liked listening to her read more than listening to me, so she’s got that going for her.  I think its because she didn’t make them sit still while she read to them like I do.  She did well and the kids really enjoyed having her here.  We have drawings hanging on our living room wall made just for Monica.  She’ll start her college work when she gets out here in Aug. so she can teach too.  The school districts out here in the bush really like teaching couples, so it should not be a problem finding someplace to for both of us to teach.  This village will be difficult for both of us to teach in because there are only two elementary teachers in our school and that is what she is going to teach too. 

We have less than four weeks of school left.  The school year is winding down and the kids know it.  Even though it feels nothing like spring here yet, they know the end is near and are acting accordingly.  They are able to communicate silently, coordinating behavior that is similar to wolf packs.  Or a school of sharks.

It is weird being here alone again.  When I look over at the couch, I expect to see Monica sitting there, plotting how to rearrange more of the house.  But it does look much nicer than before she got here.  I’m going to try and not touch too many things, so they’ll stay the way she put them.  I am able to live like a bachelor once again, at least for a few weeks.  I can eat out of the skillet again without getting dirty looks.  I can use the bathroom without shutting the door.  My neighbor may not appreciate that, but she should mind her own business and keep her curtains closed.

It is warming up some, getting above freezing for the past two days.  Three days in a row above freezing is called the start of spring around here.  It looks like it will be warmer for the next week, getting above 30 for most of the days.  I’m not looking forward to the snow melting into a muddy mess.  The tundra doesn’t drain well, so there will be lots of standing water and mud.  Knee high rubber boots are a necessity here unless you like walking in wet shoes.  We had Cabela’s send Monica’s boots here so she’ll be ready next fall.  That should let the kids know how thoughtful I am, thinking of Monica’s feet that way.  I hope that will buy me about 3 more weeks before they find some other character flaw in me.

4-17-2011

I’ve seen beautiful sunrises and I hear there are nice sunsets, but I’m not awake for those.  It’s odd that I’m up to see the sunrise every morning, but I miss the sunset because I’m already asleep.  The sun rises at 7:00am and sets at 10:30pm right now, so it’s not that bad.  Ben Franklin said “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise”.  Well, I’m still poor and dumb, so I’m not taking everything Mr. Franklin says to heart.  Remember, he was the one who flew a kite during a thunderstorm.  I believe that to be the equivalent of sticking a hairpin in a light socket.  Ben also sported one of the first mullets, which Tom Jefferson referred to as “ridiculous”.

I am not experiencing Spring the way I have been accustomed to.  I’m used to seeing some green beginning to show.  At least bare ground.  Here, it has finally moved up to the single digits at night, so I guess that is progress.  Yesterday we hit 32 with no clouds in the sky.  Monica and I took a short snowmobile ride and crossed the mighty Yukon River.  Although we couldn’t tell it was a river.  It was just a couple feet of snow over ice.  If we could see the river, I think that would have been a bad thing, since I’ve heard that falling through the ice can be a bit dangerous. 

Monica has been here for over two weeks now and still plans on coming back up here with me next August.  She has spent some time in the classroom reading to students.  She has made this place more like a home than a place where I sleep and watch TV.  When I was here alone, I ate rice 4-5 times a week.  Since Monica arrived, we have not eaten rice once.  We’ve had homemade pizza, pasta with sausage, moose meat chili, a roast, paninis, and potato soup.  And that was just the first day.  This morning, Monica made her biscuits and sausage gravy, which she learned from her mother.  To give it a local flair, maybe she could use seal oil instead of bacon grease, and reindeer sausage instead of pork and pour it over pilot bread.  Or maybe she could just keep on doing it how she usually does it.

I have one month until I leave for the summer.  We are going to stay in Wenatchee until mid July and then move our belongings to Oklahoma.  We’ll fly out of Tulsa in mid-August to start school.  We needed a place to put our things and a place to stay in the summer, so this will work out just fine.  We could stay up here for the summer, but I don’t know what we’d do.  Getting a boat would be the only way to travel after the ice breaks up on the river in late May.  Having the summer off will give us time to visit family and friends.  Plus, being able to order a beer at a restaurant will be nice.  So nice I may have more than one.

Monica will leave Friday and I’ll get back to eating rice for most of my meals.  Having to hand wash all of my dishes, my decisions on what to make for a meal now are determined by the least amount of dishes I’ll have to wash.  If I can make my meal in one dish and eat of the same dish, I’ve just saved myself extra time by having less to wash later.  Plus, having a handle on your dinner plate is a good idea.  Maybe this is what Ben was referring to as being wise.  TJ would agree, shouting, “Hells yeah!”  That was how they voted back in the day.  When our government would vote on a measure, they would vote “Hells yeah” or “Nope”.  "The 'hells yeah' have it.  Now, let's go shoot us a turkey. Unless Mullet Head objects." I think President James Buchannan changed how the votes were tallied.  Jerk.

04-10-2011

It’s been just over one week since Monica showed up and I can hardly recognize my own house.  It’s amazing what a broom, vacuum cleaner, a mop, a scrub brush, water, pine-sol, sponges, and a small coffee table cover can do for the looks of a house.  When one of the teachers came over for dinner last night, she said, “Monica, the house looks great!”  How dare she assume that Monica is solely responsible for the new look of the house.  Did she consider that after seven months, I decided to change my feng shui so I could feel more at peace? 

Monica has made it look more like a home instead of what I was living in.  I tend to think of my living style as efficient minimalism.  Those boots are in the middle of the dining room because I may need to wear them one of these days.  The reason they’re on the table is because I can easily find them in the dark.  The reason my dirty socks are on the table is because I’m lazy. 

Being an efficient minimalist isn’t for everyone as I’ve observed.  I think that doubling the clothes drier as my dresser drawer is genius.  My lovely wife thinks of it as being lazy.  I’ve heard that the line between lazy and genius is very narrow.  She is using the washer much more frequent than I usually do.  Her reason was, “When I find clothes on the floor I wash them”.  I can’t really find any fault with her reasoning, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree. 

But I know that I can’t fight the overwhelming change that is happening.  She has two more weeks here until I get the house to myself again.  I have to pick and choose what things I want to keep as they are and which ones to allow her to change.  I think the going rate is I get to keep one for every ten Monica gets to change.  So I have to really think if it’s worth it to fight for the control of the toaster settings or if I should save that fight for something more important, like whose iPod gets to stay connected to the stereo. 

Monica has been able to witness some spring storms while she’s here.  She walked to school in a blizzard on Thursday because her husband forgot to call and tell her not to come.  We did have plans for dinner with the principal, who lives next door to the school, but we decided that I had better head home after school because of the storm.  When Monica walked into the classroom at 3:30, I had to tell her we were making the half-mile walk back right then.  A one-mile blizzard walk only makes her stronger.   That’s what I told her.  I will not repeat what she told me because I know some of her family reads this blog and I don’t want them to think that their little flower was capable of such vulgarity.

Well, I hope she takes the winter with her when she heads south.  The snow outside my classroom has reached the roof of the school, so I have no outside light now.  This also allows easy access to the roof for the kids. I get to yell at kids to quit running in the halls, spit out their gum, and to get off the roof.  Now, if Monica can fix the feng shui in my classroom, it may improve my aptitude as a teacher.