02-05-2011

I started watching a new show on Discovery called Flying Wild Alaska.  It follows pilots who fly for a small airline, Era, out of Unalakleet, AK, a village about 90 miles NE from my village.  This airline is one of the two that fly in and out of Nunam Iqua.  In the winter, they are the only ones bringing people, mail, and food to the villages.  As you can tell, this makes them important out here.

That got me thinking; with all of the reality shows going on here in Alaska, maybe they’d have one about Sarah Palin landing airplanes in her Alaska.  Or maybe one could follow teachers at school in rural Alaska.  I’m not sure how Sarah could wedge her way into this one, but I’ll let her figure it out. 

The film crew could follow the daily activities of three new teachers, just learning how to teach in a classroom full of kids.  But on top of that, they will be living in an entirely new culture, one where they become the out-group.  They will have no transportation except their own legs.  They would also be faced with intermittent water and sewer usage.  And in this case, there would be no store to purchase food or any other materials they may find essential.  Need to use the post office?  Try Saturday morning; since that is the only time we can get there when it is open.

You might think this would be a drama, but you would be incorrect.  This would be a comedy reality show, and one without a Snookie or a housewife.  If I’m allowed to be a producer on the show, I’ll try to get one of the Kardashians, but only for ratings.  We also wouldn’t be voting anyone off, because I’m not ready to leave and I know I’d be the first one they’d vote off.  And we won’t have a shirtless weigh-in like Biggest Loser, because I would get voted off after that scene. 

The show would center on the daily life of the three teachers.  The main teacher, a handsome man, in a doughy and balding sort of way, would bring all of his 44 years of wisdom into the classroom.  The two minor teachers in the show will be young and inexperienced in life and in the classroom.  They will be puzzled about some things and have to ask the star of the show to explain.  Questions like: “Why do you always run like a scared rabbit whenever you see a dog?”  (To be honest, it looked just like a wolf.)  “How can you never eat vegetables and still be alive?”  (Grass is a vegetable, cows eat grass, I eat cows; therefore, I eat vegetables.)  “Why do you start to whimper whenever someone walks into your room?”  (Again, it looked just like a wolf.)  They would use their good-humored kidding during lunchtime in the teacher’s lounge, asking the main character to go find a different place to eat or at least use a spoon when eating out of a peanut butter jar.  My good-natured retort would be to wipe my hands on my pants and remind Miss Manners that we’re teachers, not TV stars.  Then I’d chuckle and walk back to my room while the others would do their best to look disgusted. 

This sounds like a no-brainer for the producers of reality television and I’m at a loss as to why I haven’t seen anything like it on TV.  Maybe they’re just waiting for the right opportunity to showcase someone.  And if I’m chosen, I promise that I wouldn’t become big-time and do things like trim my beard weekly or change socks frequently.  I’m also working on another reality show called Janitor Wars.  I don’t have all the details, but I think it will be about janitors.  I’ll keep everyone posted.

01-29-2011

 I don’t know why it takes me so long to see movies that everyone else has seen.  Oh yeah, I’m lazy.  Some will consider being too lazy to participate in an activity where you just sit there and let people act out a story for your entertainment the epitome of laziness.  To them I say that I can fit nine Ho-Hos in my mouth at one time.  That takes time and dedication in order to perform that feat, proving that I am capable of hard work and focus.

When the temperature is 20 below and wind gusts to 40mph, I find it a bit daunting to spend time outside.  Last weekend I stayed home and watched The Shawshank Redemption for the first time.  I am a bit troubled that it took so long for me to finally get around to watching that movie.  It was a great movie.  It also got me thinking about other movies made from Steven King books.  Then I stopped, because I don’t think watching a Steven King marathon in the middle of the dark winter here would have positive affects on one’s mental health.  Plus all of that work, just sitting there, watching movies.

We had a slight cold snap this past week, with only one frozen water pipe at the school that broke.  All of the teacher’s houses pipes were ok, with the exception of one, which was frozen for a short time.  The wind will find nooks and crannies and freeze pipes that had been safe for years.   Our houses sit on stilts so I am glad I have good slippers.  I haven’t had many problems this winter except for one frozen pipe last month.  The furnace may be old, but it keeps the house warm. 

We had a community meeting at the school last week, as we do a few times during the school year.  This meeting is for the community to hear about what we’re doing at the school, and it gives them a chance to talk with the staff and tour the classrooms.  Notes are sent home with the students and placards are posted at the post office and laundry mat.  The meeting was to start at 6pm and at 6:30 we shut the doors after nobody showed up.  This was a disappointment to us, but it does point out the disconnect between the community and the school.  The turnout at our parent/teacher conferences was also disappointing.  I know that at other schools in our district the turnout is much higher, so I know it can be done. 

These kids are tough out here.  Last week it was 20 below zero and kids were still outside playing.  These same kids make it to school on time almost everyday.  I think my attendance rate is around 95%.  Since most of the students don’t have satellite TV, or video games to play at home, they must find school more enjoyable than staying at home.  We’ve had days when it has been a blizzard outside, but the kids are lined up at the outside door, waiting for the 8am opening.  It sure makes my job much easier when they are in school daily and I don’t have to try to catch them up.  I have enough trouble myself keeping up.

I’ve been spared strange dreams this week, so I haven’t had that on my mind.  It is stormy this weekend, so my TV reception is out.  This will give me time to catch up on my podcasts and maybe read a little.  But, I did see that there is a new movie about Navy jet pilots I want to watch.  I think it’s called Top Gun.  If my signal returns I might watch that tonight.

01-22-2011

            Sigmund Freud said that dreams are subconscious wishes to be interpreted.  Dreams of achievement I can see; but what about dreams that I have that are disturbing?  And what if your dream of achievement is also disturbing?  That kind of dream has got to be rough.  Luckily, I don’t have too many disturbing dreams.  Similarly, I don’t have dreams of achievement either; they’re mostly about food.  And me eating it. 

            The other night I had a disturbing dream.  The dream was about myself and a guy who I don’t know.  Oh yeah, and we were fighting two midgets.  I don’t know why we were fighting them, but I was sure angry with one of them.  Maybe he stole a pie I was eating.  He would just keep mocking me and staying just out of me reach.  I remember yelling at him just before I woke up: “Get over here you *&%$#ing midget!”  When I woke up, I was appalled at myself for calling someone a midget.  Not that I was trying to beat him up, but I called him a midget.  I’m not sure why I would have a dream like that, since I don’t find them menacing in any way.  Nor have I met anyone who is a little person.  I did watch Elf recently and I think that might be the root of it all.

            Luckily this dream doesn’t correlate to my job of teaching people who are short in stature and sometimes mock me.  Oh wait….  This was brought up by one of my coworkers.  I scoffed at her hypothesis but was interrupted when I had to chase after a student who took one of my cookies from my desk.  Ok, that scenario didn’t happen, but one of my coworkers did wonder if my dreams were related to my job.  I don’t subscribe to Freud’s school of thought on dreams, so I scoffed her.  I enjoy a good scoffing once in a while. 

            Other than the weird dream, my week went smoothly.  We had parent/teacher conferences this week.  I did not get the turn out I was hoping for, but the kids still keep coming to school, so that is the most important part.  Report cards were sent out and none came back with angry comments.  Since we use a standards based system, our report cards have no grades, but show actual progress in their level standards.

            I’m also starting my schooling again.  I’m taking two classes from UAF to complete my teacher certification in the state of Alaska.  These are both done online, so I don’t have to do any traveling to complete them.  And unlike last time I went to college, I won’t get angry looks for learning in my underwear.  A downside to the classes is that I won’t be able to watch The Biggest Loser.  But as TV programming geniuses would have it, I can watch back-to-back episodes of Man Vs Food instead, so I think it’s a good trade off.  Plus, I won’t feel guilty eating food that some would consider bad for me.  Adam Richmond does not judge, he enjoys.

            Well, I’ve awkwardly tied together a bizarre dream with my uneventful week.  I think my new goal here should be to ramble on about topics that have nothing in common, while pretending that they do.  I have been doing that in my classroom, so I see no problem doing it here.  I don’t think I will bring up my bizarre dream to the class, just in case some of them subscribe to Freud’s thoughts on dreams.  And luckily we won’t have to watch Elf until next year.

             

01-15-2011

The time has come to fill out report cards again.  The first time I did this, I was haunted by memories of my own childhood.  This time as I fill out report cards, I’m anticipate getting to the card of the turd who called me “bald head”.  I applaud his bravado, but I may write something about his lack of effort in his insult. .  I wondered, as a child, if the teachers felt a sense of responsibility about the trauma some of us received after we handed the report card to our parents. 

The kids settled into school pretty quickly from their winter break.  It took me longer to acclimate to the routine of having to put pants on before noon.  None of my students left the village during break, so there were no stories to be told.  They just marched into the classroom and quietly laid their heads on their desks.  I anticipated being a referee to their excitement of being back.  Instead I had to try to keep them from falling asleep. 

One of the students asked me the question everyone was waiting for: “What did you bring us?”  As a teacher, it is my duty to help all of them learn about life.  These young, impressionable minds need to see what life holds for them.  So I confidently stood before them and said, “Nothing”.  They didn’t take it as well as I’d hoped.  Actually, they all kind of turned on me.  I tried to calm them down by explaining that I needed all of my suitcase space for cheese, butter, and meat.  They didn’t care.  Then I tried the tactic of turning it around on them.  I asked them “What did you get me?”  It didn’t work.  I started to panic, because all I saw were 14 wolverines glaring at me, waiting for one more lame excuse.  I inhaled, smiled and bravely said, “We’re going to have popcorn!”  They were fooled by the diversion and I lived to teach another day.

We lost one of our teachers over the winter break.  Well, we didn’t lose him; he just went to Montana and never came back.  This is something that is common out here.  First year teachers will sometimes decide it isn’t worth it and decide to stay home instead of returning.  One of our teachers has been here for 6 years and he said this is the 5^th teacher here to quit during the school year.  It doesn’t take long to climb up the seniority ladder here.

Well, back to the report cards.  I do feel some responsibility about consequences from what I write on the report cards.  Whatever is written on the card is a reflection of how I did my job the last quarter.  If the student didn’t do very well, I have to take some of the responsibility for that.  So I’ll work harder on developing creativity in the classroom, because “bald-head” is just too obvious.  When I was called “Stink-butt” by a kindergartener, I know their teacher swelled with pride.  I just hope Stink-butt wasn’t too obvious.  

01-06-2011

Lazy

–adjective

1.

averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion; indolent.

2.

causing idleness or indolence: a hot, lazy afternoon.

3.

slow-moving; sluggish: a lazy stream.

4.

(of a livestock brand) placed on its side instead of upright.

Just to set the record straight, I cut and pasted from Dictionary.com.  Well, I didn’t. I had a student do it for me.  I was going to have him also paste the word ‘apathy’, but it was……  Anyways, my vacation is over and it’s time I get back to whatever this is.

Flying in and out of here can be tricky.  When I flew out of here before Christmas, I barley made it out.  Flights were grounded because of weather, but there was a chartered flight bringing some students home from a boarding school.  My principal was also trying to get to Anchorage, so he was able to get us on the flight by knowing who to call.  One of the teachers was supposed to leave the next day for Hawaii.  She was delayed for three days, so now Aloha has yet another meaning.  But I don’t think they’ll use this one for their new brochures.

I arrived in Anchorage at 9:53pm and arrived at the first airport lounge at 9:58.  Without a word, the bartender pulled the lever and let the amber liquid flow.  Then without a word, he handed it to the waitress who walked to the other end of the room and gave it to some duffus wearing a Yankee’s cap.  Once I remembered how to order a beer (10:01), I was reacquainted with an old friend after 126 days.  At 10:09pm I had to pee.

The trip from Nunam Iqua to Wenatchee took me just under 22 hours, which included circling Wenatchee for an hour waiting for a weather window.  I do understand how lucky I was to leave on time and arrive within one hour of what my ticket said.  Monica recognized me, which made me happy.  I hadn’t had a haircut or shaved since I left, so I was looking a bit unkempt.  And I mean unkempt in a refined way. 

I had a great time during my two weeks home.  The only complaint was that the time seemed to flash by.  And that there were too many people at the Wal-Marts.  And traffic was a problem.  And I ate too much.  Wait, that’s not a complaint, that’s just normal.  I was able to see my family and friends, which is why I came down.  Everyone seemed to agree that two weeks was enough, and that I should head north. 

The trip back to Alaska was very uneventful.  I would even go as far as to say it was pleasant.  I never had more than 1 ½ hours between my three airplane changes, which is something I’ll never see again.  I also had the great fortune to sit in first class from Seattle to Bethel.  A teacher in first class is very unusual, so I thought I’d be out of place.  Turns out that crab boat people enjoy more legroom too.  Scruffy beards and flannel shirts were everywhere, sipping champagne and laughing at the poor people in coach.  Ok, we didn’t have champagne, but I did feel superior because of my proximity to the door.  For once, I got to be the jackass holding everyone up while I put my coat on and struggled to pull my oversized carryon out of the overhead.  I think I can get used to first class, if I didn’t have to pay for it.  I lucked out and only paid an $80 extra fee to upgrade.  Who knew 80 bucks could make a guy feel better than others?

The second half of my first year here is started and it will probably move at the same pace as the first half did: quickly.  It’s hard to believe that the first half is done and no students have been injured.  At least not by me.  I told those kids not to stand that close to the shore.

Absolve

verb (used with object), -solved, -solv·ing.

1.

to free from guilt or blame or their consequences: The court absolved her of guilt in his death.

2.

to set free or release, as from some duty, obligation, or responsibility (usually fol. by from ): to be absolved from one's oath.

3.

to grant pardon for.

4.

Ecclesiastical .

a.

to grant or pronounce remission of sins to.

b.

to remit (a sin) by absolution.

c.

to declare (censure, as excommunication) removed.

12-11-2010

We have one more week of school until winter break starts.   I’m looking forward to spending a few weeks with my wife back in Wenatchee.  When she asked me what I wanted to do when I got home, everything I thought about involved eating.  And if it didn’t involve eating, it was sandwiched between eating.  Yes, I know I just used a delicious combination of meat, cheese, mayo and bread as a verb. 

This past week I said a phrase that I’ve never said before.  No, it wasn’t, “No thanks, I’m full” or “I think I’ve had enough to drink” or “Now that I look at it that way, I can see how I was mistaken”.  As I was sitting at my desk looking out the window, I said “What a beautiful sunrise this afternoon!”  The shortest day of the year is still a week and a half away, but it does take awhile for the sun to come out now.  The horizon starts to lighten at about 10:30, but it takes until after 12:00 to fully come over the horizon.  Even when it does, it doesn’t get very high in the sky, like in the summer.  It hangs just above the horizon, uneasy to stray too far in the sky. 

Last week also included Pearl Harbor Day, 69 years after the attack.  I asked the class on Tuesday morning what had happened 69 years ago.  I don’t think anyone watched CNN that morning because the only answer that followed was “that the dinosaurs became extinct”.  I guess their teacher should get on the ball and teach them something.  I had told the class earlier in the school year that I had been stationed at Pearl Harbor, so of course they all wanted to know if I was there during the attack.  I hope I convinced them with a time-line that there were many years between the attack on Pearl Harbor and my birth.  Now I have to convince one student that when I was born, dinosaurs were not roaming the planes; they were busy being oil. 

With less than a week until I head south, I’m trying to decide how to pack.  I will have to wear my cold weather gear because we are below zero here, and it looks like it will stay that way for a while.  I need my parka and boots for the plane ride to Bethel, but I don’t want to wear them once I get on a big plane, since they take up a lot of room and aren’t very comfortable.  But I need them incase I have to stand outside at one of these little airports here.  This decision will take up most of my time between now and when I leave, so at least I’ll keep busy.  Plus I’ll have to decide my meal plan when I’m home.  Maybe if I’d spend as much time planning what I will teach as I spend planning what I will eat, my students wouldn’t confuse me with the Flintstones. I’ll get to that right after I figure out what I’m going to make for lunch. 

12-4-2010

I wish I could get excited about snow the way kids do.  There is joy in their eyes as they watch it fall. These kids have lived their entire lives in Alaska and still run to the window when someone says, “Hey, it’s snowing!” They also run to the window when I say, “Is that a bear eating a bucket of chicken?”  The reason they have such delight in their eyes when they see snow is because they never had to pick up a shovel and move the snow.  

I guess snow can be fun until you’re up to your greater trochanter in a snowdrift (look it up on WebMD, and no, it’s not dirty). The wind blows most of the time here and the snow is able to organize itself and block our way to the school. I had to help a fellow teacher out of one of those drifts yesterday morning. When she asked for help, I explained that I didn’t want to be an enabler, so she should learn how to work her own way out of the snowdrift.  I couldn’t see her face since it was dark, and I couldn’t hear what she was shouting at me because of the wind.  I’m sure she was smiling and thanking me for the sage advice.   I wonder what she’ll get me for Christmas this year.

I hate to darken the mood of this blog with sadness, but I received some terrible news yesterday.  The Nalley’s chili plant in Tacoma is being shut down and will be moved to Iowa.  I hope it’s not something I said or did.   Iowa for God’s sake!  First, they took our basketball team and now our chili.  Wait, that was Oklahoma. This outsourcing of our jobs has to stop. 

With no disrespect to SPAM, I do have a favorite food that I eat up here.  It is Nalley’s chili over rice, with cheddar and Tabasco.  I learned of this culinary delight while I lived in Hawaii.  Chili and rice is popular there, as is any food and rice.  I eat chili and rice 2-3 times a week because it is easy to make and so damned delicious.  But now I’m not sure if it will still be available. It’s too soon to start looking for other brands.  Even if I try a new chili, I’ll still be thinking of Nalley’s.  Nalley’s, I will not accept your friendship request on Facebook.

With the calendar showing that my trip south is getting closer, I’m getting anxious about the weather.  If the weather is not cooperating, aircraft can be grounded for long periods.  This past week we had visitors from the state department of education and they had their stay extended by two days.  They sat in classrooms with their bags at their side for two days, waiting for a break in the weather.  Although they were eager to run to the window to see if it was still snowing, they weren’t enthusiastic about a bear eating fried chicken.  Apparently they aren’t very curious.