4-17-2011

I’ve seen beautiful sunrises and I hear there are nice sunsets, but I’m not awake for those.  It’s odd that I’m up to see the sunrise every morning, but I miss the sunset because I’m already asleep.  The sun rises at 7:00am and sets at 10:30pm right now, so it’s not that bad.  Ben Franklin said “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise”.  Well, I’m still poor and dumb, so I’m not taking everything Mr. Franklin says to heart.  Remember, he was the one who flew a kite during a thunderstorm.  I believe that to be the equivalent of sticking a hairpin in a light socket.  Ben also sported one of the first mullets, which Tom Jefferson referred to as “ridiculous”.

I am not experiencing Spring the way I have been accustomed to.  I’m used to seeing some green beginning to show.  At least bare ground.  Here, it has finally moved up to the single digits at night, so I guess that is progress.  Yesterday we hit 32 with no clouds in the sky.  Monica and I took a short snowmobile ride and crossed the mighty Yukon River.  Although we couldn’t tell it was a river.  It was just a couple feet of snow over ice.  If we could see the river, I think that would have been a bad thing, since I’ve heard that falling through the ice can be a bit dangerous. 

Monica has been here for over two weeks now and still plans on coming back up here with me next August.  She has spent some time in the classroom reading to students.  She has made this place more like a home than a place where I sleep and watch TV.  When I was here alone, I ate rice 4-5 times a week.  Since Monica arrived, we have not eaten rice once.  We’ve had homemade pizza, pasta with sausage, moose meat chili, a roast, paninis, and potato soup.  And that was just the first day.  This morning, Monica made her biscuits and sausage gravy, which she learned from her mother.  To give it a local flair, maybe she could use seal oil instead of bacon grease, and reindeer sausage instead of pork and pour it over pilot bread.  Or maybe she could just keep on doing it how she usually does it.

I have one month until I leave for the summer.  We are going to stay in Wenatchee until mid July and then move our belongings to Oklahoma.  We’ll fly out of Tulsa in mid-August to start school.  We needed a place to put our things and a place to stay in the summer, so this will work out just fine.  We could stay up here for the summer, but I don’t know what we’d do.  Getting a boat would be the only way to travel after the ice breaks up on the river in late May.  Having the summer off will give us time to visit family and friends.  Plus, being able to order a beer at a restaurant will be nice.  So nice I may have more than one.

Monica will leave Friday and I’ll get back to eating rice for most of my meals.  Having to hand wash all of my dishes, my decisions on what to make for a meal now are determined by the least amount of dishes I’ll have to wash.  If I can make my meal in one dish and eat of the same dish, I’ve just saved myself extra time by having less to wash later.  Plus, having a handle on your dinner plate is a good idea.  Maybe this is what Ben was referring to as being wise.  TJ would agree, shouting, “Hells yeah!”  That was how they voted back in the day.  When our government would vote on a measure, they would vote “Hells yeah” or “Nope”.  "The 'hells yeah' have it.  Now, let's go shoot us a turkey. Unless Mullet Head objects." I think President James Buchannan changed how the votes were tallied.  Jerk.

04-10-2011

It’s been just over one week since Monica showed up and I can hardly recognize my own house.  It’s amazing what a broom, vacuum cleaner, a mop, a scrub brush, water, pine-sol, sponges, and a small coffee table cover can do for the looks of a house.  When one of the teachers came over for dinner last night, she said, “Monica, the house looks great!”  How dare she assume that Monica is solely responsible for the new look of the house.  Did she consider that after seven months, I decided to change my feng shui so I could feel more at peace? 

Monica has made it look more like a home instead of what I was living in.  I tend to think of my living style as efficient minimalism.  Those boots are in the middle of the dining room because I may need to wear them one of these days.  The reason they’re on the table is because I can easily find them in the dark.  The reason my dirty socks are on the table is because I’m lazy. 

Being an efficient minimalist isn’t for everyone as I’ve observed.  I think that doubling the clothes drier as my dresser drawer is genius.  My lovely wife thinks of it as being lazy.  I’ve heard that the line between lazy and genius is very narrow.  She is using the washer much more frequent than I usually do.  Her reason was, “When I find clothes on the floor I wash them”.  I can’t really find any fault with her reasoning, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree. 

But I know that I can’t fight the overwhelming change that is happening.  She has two more weeks here until I get the house to myself again.  I have to pick and choose what things I want to keep as they are and which ones to allow her to change.  I think the going rate is I get to keep one for every ten Monica gets to change.  So I have to really think if it’s worth it to fight for the control of the toaster settings or if I should save that fight for something more important, like whose iPod gets to stay connected to the stereo. 

Monica has been able to witness some spring storms while she’s here.  She walked to school in a blizzard on Thursday because her husband forgot to call and tell her not to come.  We did have plans for dinner with the principal, who lives next door to the school, but we decided that I had better head home after school because of the storm.  When Monica walked into the classroom at 3:30, I had to tell her we were making the half-mile walk back right then.  A one-mile blizzard walk only makes her stronger.   That’s what I told her.  I will not repeat what she told me because I know some of her family reads this blog and I don’t want them to think that their little flower was capable of such vulgarity.

Well, I hope she takes the winter with her when she heads south.  The snow outside my classroom has reached the roof of the school, so I have no outside light now.  This also allows easy access to the roof for the kids. I get to yell at kids to quit running in the halls, spit out their gum, and to get off the roof.  Now, if Monica can fix the feng shui in my classroom, it may improve my aptitude as a teacher.

04-03-2011

From my classroom I have a great view of the airport.  Usually when I hear a plane land, I casually note its presence and continue with my work.   On Friday night, one particular plane was carrying cargo that was of great interest to me.  Monica was finally going to arrive.  For an airport that had only one flight that night, it was funny how many airplanes I heard before her plane finally landed. 

Monica arrived here at 7pm, but without her luggage.  She was charged an extra $15 for her luggage in Bethel.  But the suitcases stayed in Bethel, along with the other passengers’ luggage because of weight issues with the airplane.  This is not uncommon out here, so you just have to wait until the next flight.  Or the flight after that.  Or….  As of Sunday night, she is still luggageless.  We called the airlines yesterday, but they weren’t sure about the status of the luggage.  Monica wondered if she would be charged extra for allowing the airlines to store them for her.  Then the storm arrived, shutting down all flights in here.

The part of the luggage issue that pisses me off is that Monica loaded one suitcase with cheese and meat.  As much as I love my wife, I really love my wife when she brings me meat and cheeses.  Knowing that the Suitcase of Delicious is sitting in a hanger instead of here is causing me some distress.  Spam and Velveeta work for a while, but when I’m teased with the prospects of brats and cheddar I get a little crazy.  Crazy may be too strong of a word; I ordered Monica back to Bethel to get the luggage.  Ordered may be too strong of a word; I cried and pleaded with her to find that suitcase.  She said, and I quote, “No”. 

Monica’s issue with the luggage incident has more to do with her not having any clothes up here than missing out on the meat and cheese.   Without her hair dryer, I found her kneeling on the floor in front of the space heater.  I took a picture of her but I can’t seem to find the camera now.  And it really hurts when I sit down.  Oh well, I’m sure I’ll find it soon.

We are having a nice spring storm to welcome Monica.  We’ve dropped below zero a few nights last week and now it’s snowing and blowing.  I know the trail will be drifted shut in the morning, but it won’t be impossible to make the walk.  The wind will be at our backs, so that’ll make it easier.  Plus Monica is going to head out with me in the morning, so I’ll have to act like it’s no big deal.  With the wind making its noise, she won’t be able to hear me whining all the way.

Monica will be here for the next three weeks, so she’ll have a good idea of what to expect next year.  It is kind of weird having her here with me, because I’m used to having conversations with myself.  Now someone is on my couch when I talk to myself.  She’s used to it and is just glad I’m not talking to her.  This blog is just basically me talking to myself and you eavesdropping in on me.  But I do feel the need to put pants on when I’m typing this.  Hey, I found my camera!

03-26-2011

It’s Saturday morning again and I’m trying to think of what happened the past week that I can share.  Let’s see, I overheard one of my 10-year-old students quoting Al Pacino in Scarface.  Another of my students declined the option of taking a bathroom break prior to recess.  Once he hit the cold, he quickly changed his mind and began searching for a place to relieve himself.  Out in the tundra, there are limited options for finding privacy.  After walking a distance away from the playground, he settled on an acceptable distance and did what needed to be done.  He had a problem, took action, and solved it.   This is what every teacher wants to see from his/her students.  Unfortunately, I doubt we will be seeing this question on our upcoming state standardized test.  I will submit it to the board for next year.

Stephen Wright said, “Hermits have no peer pressure”.  They also have no company.  Living up here is similar to a hermit life style in that there are few chances you’ll have visitors.  I do enjoy the solitary existence that living up here offers.  There are no Wal-Mart trips to anger me.  No Costco crowds to deal with.  I’ve never had a Jehovah’s Witness knock on my door since I’ve been here.  Regrettably, they will now pay me a visit.  I’ve heard that they scan blogs on the Internet to find people they may have missed.  This differs from the old fashion way of only stalking people door-to-door. 

Having time on my hands allows me to watch more TV.  Well, when it is working.  Last weekend I missed the first weekend of the NCAA tournament, so I was able to do homework.  This morning I have a nice signal, so I was able to watch two hours of Man vs. Food.  I love that show.  It is also educational, because I’ve learned that the terms “meat sweats” and “pirate healthy” are perfectly fine to use in our everyday vernacular.  An example of how to use one term correctly would be: “Your Honor, the reason I should be excused from this jury is because I have the meat sweats.”  You could also use this as an excuse so you will never be asked to show up to an event you don’t want to go to.  Meat sweats will frighten some people. 

Another reason I love this show is because of their obsession with bacon.  Almost every food challenge involves bacon somehow.  And lots of meat.  You will never see Adam have to eat a bucket of Brussels sprouts to fulfill his challenge.  But you will see him try eating a 6-pound steak with 2 pounds of fries and a quart of cream to wash it down.  I know some of the after effects of these challenges can be frightening, but I would hate to see what happens to a person after a Brussels sprout chow down.  That would be for an episode of Dirty Jobs.

Since I was successful in spending my time wisely this morning, I probably should do some homework.  Anthropology is a very interesting discipline, but I’m not going to make a career change.  If I did pursue anthropology more, I could write my master’s thesis on the dietary traditions of pirates.  Probably less bacon and more parrots. 

03-20-2011

Once again I’m explaining to parents how their child is performing in the classroom.  It’s report card time.  And again, it’s an exercise in self-examining my abilities as a teacher.  Every time I write about some difficulty a student had last quarter, I wonder if it could have been avoided if I had done something sooner about it.  Probably.  Every time I write about some achievement a student attained, I wonder if they would have made that progress without me, on their own.  Probably.   In my first year I’m hoping I just don’t stunt their growth.  I don’t allow them to drink coffee in class just in case.

This weekend was the village’s annual potlatch.  This is a native celebration where people gather to eat, dance, and exchange gifts.  This has also been a time when families display their wealth.  Villages will invite a nearby village to come to the potlatch; in our case it was Scammon Bay.  Scammon Bay is about 50 miles from here, so they converged upon us in snowmobiles.  Without doing an official count, I do believe we may have doubled our population this weekend.

The potlatch is held in the tribal community hall.  In a village of less than 200 people, the tribal hall isn’t that big.  So Friday night it was full.  There were seats for most of the adult people. Apparently the kids are encouraged to enter and exit the hall as many times as they can.  Maybe there is a cultural contest with that, but man, that door stayed open more than it was shut.  Which wasn’t a bad thing since it was about 100 degrees in there.  This was my first social outing in a long time and I was a bit rusty on how I was supposed to carry myself.  Plus, this is a different culture, so I was unsure if I should remove my hat when I entered the hall (I didn’t), if there were certain places I shouldn’t sit (first come/first serve), or if pants were optional (nope, required).  If you want to know more about how a potlatch is carried out, Google it. 

A couple of my students had their first dance at the potlatch.  Their families passed out gifts to the guests and the kids were dressed up in their mukluks, a headdress, and feather fans for their dance.  It’s a pretty neat celebration and I know the community put in a lot of time practicing for the past few weeks.  They would practice dancing from 7-11pm each night, which meant there were a lot of tired kids the past few weeks at school.

Our weather has broken from the past few weeks.  We’ve had nice weather, getting to zero at night and in the upper teens for the daytime. No clouds or winds, so it was pleasant for walking to and from school.  This weekend, it has warmed up to the low 30’s, with the arrival of wind and clouds.  We’ve had a few inches of new snow, but it’s been blowing around, so who knows where it is.  The awful news is that the weather affects my ability to receive my Dish Network signal.  Since the NCAA Tournament is the only thing in full bloom up here, I was looking forward to watching some games this weekend.  Nope.  Plus it affects the internet here too, so I have sloooow speeds.  I have troubles even getting email at these speeds, so it is difficult to get scores. 

Two more weeks until Monica shows up.  Being a bachelor was much more fun when beer and pizza was available for purchase.  Being a bachelor up here just means I’m the only one to do laundry.   I have learned that the word “clean” is relative.  As the only one doing the laundry in my house, I get to determine how clean a shirt is.  My rule is as long as I don’t wear it two days in a row, it’s clean.  Maybe Monica will change my reference, but for now I’m holding fast to that.  I won’t go into my new position on personal hygiene.  It is rather personal.

03-12-2011

The earthquake in Japan and the subsequent tsunamis that followed forced me to face the obvious question: will washing my delicates in warm water wear them out faster?  While I was asking my co-workers about my concerns, the talked turned to leaving town in the event of a tsunami.  We don’t have any roads that lead out of town, but it doesn’t matter since there are no cars that could use that road.  One of the aides said she’d just hop on her snowmachine and head for the hills.  “And leave me here?” I asked.  We sat in awkward silence until she finally said, “I don’t think flannel counts as a delicate.  I wouldn’t worry about washing them in warm water.”  Good to know.

The options are limited in the village as to how to escape a tsunami.  We are about two miles from the Bering Sea and sit at near sea level.  Besides trying to outrun the water with a snowmachine, every other scenario seemed to have us getting wet as the common thread.   Our best means to possibly surviving one would be to find a ladder, prop it up on the wall, and climb up to the roof of the school.  The single story building is the tallest point for miles.  And I mean at least 15 miles.  I don’t know how many people will fit up there, but I hid the only ladder in the village, so I know I’ll be the first one up.

School is continuing to chug along.  We don’t have a spring break and I think the students are beginning to get tired of listening to me.  Actually that occurred on September 14^th, at 10:23 am.  They’ve just been tolerating me since then. One of my students decided to lie down on the floor instead of doing his work yesterday.   As I squatted to attempt to persuade him to sit in his chair, I ripped the crotch of my jeans.  The first thing I thought was I had just tore my hamstring.  A quick check ended my fear and began a new one.  The student hadn’t noticed because he was loudly explaining to me that he didn’t think it was  possible for him to get back into his chair.  I slowly stood up, still a little concerned about my hamstring.  I made my way to my desk and he found he could get back up to his chair.  I sat behind my desk for the remaining half-hour so I kept the catastrophe under wraps.  I think I took four minutes off my walk home, what with the three-inch crotch rip, the wind, and the single digit temperature. 

The basketball season ended last week abruptly, due to lack of interest.  It is a shame when there are only five players, because it only takes one’s decision to determine what happens to the team.  We only had one week left, but they will miss a trip out of town.  The elementary team is in Hooper Bay right now playing their district tournament, so the school does have a team to cheer for.  I watched a little bit of one game at our school on our closed circuit TV system we use for meetings.  They set it up so they could broadcast our games.  This is nice since it is hard for the families of the players, or anybody else for that matter, to make the trip for the tournament.  There were a few people watching it this morning in the library. 

Monica will be here in less than three weeks, so I have some house cleaning to do.  I finally figured out what that thing was on the vacuum cleaner: it’s called the on/off switch.  I also ordered some groceries so we don’t have to eat rice with every meal.  I don’t want her to come for a visit and then decide not to come up here next year, so I have to prepare some new menu items.  I have some Tang left, so maybe an orange glaze over a roasted Spam.  And now that I've fixed the problem with the vacuum cleaner for her, how can she not want to return?

03-04-2011

I knew when I came up here to teach I would be experiencing many new things.  The obvious one was starting a new job.  Not so obvious was having to get on an airplane with five middle school basketball players and be in their charge.  After we had boarded the five-seat Cesena, the pilot looked at me and asked if we were ready.  I looked at him and squeaked out a weak “help!”  He must have thought I said, “Sure, I’m an adult and have chosen to be responsible for these five kids”, because he said, “Good” and started the engine.  I realized I had better become an adult fast. 

We landed in Marshall at 7:30 Friday night and were immediately shown our room.  Our room served as a 3^rd grade classroom just a few hours before.  The leftovers of a popcorn party remained on the same floor we were going to roll our sleeping bags out on.  We didn’t have to wait around for long because our first game was at 8.  The pregame pep talk consisted of me asking if anyone needed to pee.  When I was finished in the bathroom, we were ready to go. 

Deciding who started and who got to keep me company on the bench is easy when there are only five players.  The team is coed with one girl.  Shortly after the third quarter started, I had company.  One of our players fouled out about two minutes into the third quarter.  I’m convinced he fouled out because he just wanted to listen to me calmly guide my team from the front row.  I did find it odd that he wouldn’t come sit next to me.  Now we had only four players to finish the second half of the game.  I tried to recall some inspirational moments from the movie Hoosiers to tell the kids, but all I could do is ask if anyone had to pee. 

We limped through that game and then turned around and played the next game.  After two games in a row with no subs, our kids were dragging.  It was also getting late.  The curfew in Marshall is midnight, so they had time to play two more games which did not include us.  The other teams had plenty of players, so they had the luxury of having players who were not begging to come out of the game.  My players would ask, “Can I come out for a few minutes?”  I would explain to them that we couldn’t sit anyone out because we had nobody to come in for them.  They would listen intently, nod and ask, “Yeah, but can I come out for a few minutes?” 

That night the kids learned about leg cramps.  I shared the classroom with the four boys, and they thought they were about to loose their legs.  They spent over an hour cooped up in a small Cessna on the way up there, then played two games in the next two hours.  So when their legs started cramping, they became very interested in what I had to say about cramps.  I remembered my late father’s medical advice and passed it along to my players: "Does it hurt when you do that?  Don’t do that!"  They didn’t enjoy that.

We made it home the next day only a few hours late.  We were tired because we played two more games that morning before coming home.  I say we because I was up until 3am listening to them take turns complaining about the cramps.  Taking turns meant they were coming together as a team.  But their legs were healed by morning and I heard nothing more about them, even on the way home.  I sat up front in the co-pilot’s seat again, but this time a good-looking blond was the pilot.  And she is on the Flying Wild Alaska TV show.  I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me, but I’ll write about that in the next post.  First, I have to make a phone call to my wife and notify her about this.